des trucs à Paris - oh bordel

Jul. 22nd, 2017 08:21 am
malurette: (Default)
[personal profile] malurette
Je pars tout à l'heure pour Paris, je fais l'aller-retour sur la journée avec un ami pour aller voir l'expo Valérian et faire la demi nuit LastMan. Et au lieu que ça m'excite à fond comme jusqu'à hier encore, je suis en colère contre les organisateurs.

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Bon dieu s'ils l'avaient dit plus tôt on se serait organisé très différemment, partir plus tôt, passer une journée entière et faire plus de choses avant, et repartir aussitôt après avec un bus d'une autre compagnie, ou alors trouver un hébergement avec plus de marge et partir confortablement plus tard sans stresser. Mais là du jour au lendemain ? c'est du gros n'importe quoi !!
Quelle cochonnerie, bon sang !!!

(no subject)

Jul. 21st, 2017 05:56 pm
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
Two day fever!

I am not super clear why I keep getting these? I mean, this time it's fine, the anaesthesia paper was like "you might run a fever afterwards, nbd". It's low grade, so I literally do not give a fuck at this point, tbfh, largely because it's sort of nice to be in the position of "too warm for once. LOOK, MA, NO BLANKET. /o/

*

Jul. 21st, 2017 04:39 pm
malurette: (ducky)
[personal profile] malurette
I didn't assign myself to learn German as a new year resolution because I already tried last year and failed, but since last January I've been doing steady on DuoLingo.com.
Today's lesson, on Numbers #2...
Die Antwort ist zweiundvierzig.
Yes it is indeed. So what are the odds that the sentence was generated randomly, versus some dork behind the site programmed it on purpose as an in-joke?

(no subject)

Jul. 20th, 2017 04:44 pm
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
Every time they do anything, my body turns out to be a worthless piece of shit in a new way.

And they're recommending ice packs, because I can no longer take pain medication. Jesus fucking christ. I don't know how I'm supposed to work with this. And I'm just frustrated because I'm still sedated and can't walk a straight line, and nothing makes me vaguely murderous than realising that it's affecting my fucking brain and I just can't see it right now, but.

Ugh ugh ugh. Three more hours of this drive to go. And I am overheating, **and** I want to cry, because the numbing part of the anaesthesia is completely off and everything fucking hurts again.

(no subject)

Jul. 19th, 2017 08:24 am
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
Incredibly stupid shit my mother said to me the other day:

"Well, I don't even know what the point of living is, when my body is a PRISON and I can't do anything I want."

I ended up going "LOL R U SRS, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO", but I'm so fucking tired of everyone everywhere and their casual alarming shit for the sake of emotional manipulation. It doesn't work, I don't fucking care, be an adult, act your age and stop trying to use the fact I arguably give a shit about you as a hammer to make me give you the responses you want.

(And tomorrow, I'm getting a tube down my throat. And my sister has to stay in the endoscopy room the entire time, per hospital policies, so she can't get lunch. Stress stress stress.)

(no subject)

Jul. 19th, 2017 06:48 am
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
Slept fine, sister woke me up by first dropping laundry in my room, then exiting and re-entering like five times. "Pull the cover over your head and go back to sleep until 45," she sez.

I do so, and proceed to have a long dreamcycle dominated by my mother having a screaming, raging, breaking thing fit to the levels she used to when we were kids. Greeeeeeat.

I hope this endoscopy finds something so badly. If it does, I won't need this health insurance. I'll be able to apply to a new job, get an apartment, and have my parents be, by large and large, someone that is not my sister and I's problem for another ten years.

(no subject)

Jul. 18th, 2017 03:47 pm
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
I feel like my retreat into looking pretty whenever I get toov stressed is representative of something unpleasant on our society. But if finding nice lipstick sales makes me feel better, whatever.

(no subject)

Jul. 18th, 2017 08:16 am
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
I am glad that I have spent so long aggressively cultivating my confidence and self esteem. Because my brain can chase its tail all that it wants to, but my reflexive "LOL DUCK OFF" wrt stupid thoughts is on 100% power, haha.

God, I'm tired. And stressed! I guess it's good to actually just say that: I am stressed and I am coping better than I did in years past, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything by itself. Neither does being stressed, honestly. The work is still going to get done regardless of how increasingly ferrety it makes me feel to do it, because.. I mean, what's the point of being an adult if you can't process your feelings, evaluate them, and then compartmentalise to the point you can make things happen anyway?

One of my dads coworkers is a racist fuckwaffle who kept referring to Obama as a nigger. So my dad is currently doing both of their work by himself, as he told the guy to fuck off and never speak to him again unless it's passing parts, and.. it's the way he said it that made me lol, in a guilty way?

"Oh, just fuck off. Your feelings! Goddamn, I am so sick of hearing about all of your fucking FEELINGS, it's going to give me hives."

And - I think that's a good thing for me to remember? Feelings are not relevant to work. Stress is not relevant to work. You focus on it and you ignore everything else and you get shit done.

(but man, I'm stressed. |D)

(no subject)

Jul. 17th, 2017 05:03 am
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
So many stress dreams. Usually I write them down, but I don't think I want to, just to ensure it will never fucking repeat.

Little signs that I am stressed: when I've managed to completely scratch up my neck, because my nervous tic of "scratch neck, say HM" is now occurring 24/7 and GUESS WHAT I HAVE. NAILS.

but also when I realised I hadn't talked to someone yet that day and I got the full body, sinking horror of "oh for fucks sake, did she kill herself?"

She is not one of the people I know who's suicidal, so it was literally just the result of worrying after another friend and projecting, but christ. I am so stressed, and I don't even know what to do about it at this point.

[drabbling] Sailor Moon Yuri

Jul. 16th, 2017 12:20 am
malurette: (Default)
[personal profile] malurette
Base : Bishôjo Senshi Sailor Moon
Auteur : [personal profile] malurette
Légalité : propriété de Takeuchi Naoko, je ne cherche ni à manquer de respect ni à tirer profit

Thèmes : prompt list de [community profile] halfamoon pour février 2017 + #15 de [community profile] monthlysupergo de juillet 2017
Happy Femslash Day!
Nombre de mots : 15 x 100

15 couples différents et quelques bonus )
malurette: (ducky)
[personal profile] malurette
OK. La question chelou de l'année :
Que faire entre Porte de la Villette et Porte de Pantin un dimanche à 4h du mat' ?

Non parce que la Nuit LastMan se termine au milieu de la nuit, apparemment les métros ne redémarrent qu'une heure et demie/deux heures plus tard selon les lignes, et je n'arrive pas à me servir du site du Noctilien pour comprendre comment ça marche.

Je n'ai pour l'instant pas de point de chute - c'est difficile de dire à ma famille que je débarquerai aux petites heures du matin, et peut-être avec un ami - et les autocars pour rentrer directement dans ma province partent à 6h30 loin de là ou de plus près pas avant 8h...

Sinon euh j'espère toujours aller à l'expo Valérian avant, et peut-être aussi passer à la Brasserie de l'Être qui n'est pas très loin voir s'ils font de la vente directe aux particuliers je veux de la Captain Carrot et de la White Wampa moins chères qu'au Dernier Bard, damnit!!

Bah, c'est tellement mal organisé ce truc !!

(no subject)

Jul. 13th, 2017 10:53 pm
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
I think my thought process is entering the batshit range tonight, but ugh.

> Didn't eat dinner, because I have been getting weirdly, intensely painfully full from even eating small shit, and I ate a hummus pack. 300 calories! So I wasn't hungry for the next six hours, and then I got nauseous, and then I got anxious about the fact eating felt like it'd make me puke.

so I managed to down about three bites of the burrito I made, got sick, and so I guess I'm just.. rocking 600 or so calories today. And that's not helping my mood, but


> I'd feel so much better about being in pain if it wasn't for the way it makes me act? I'm being so fucking clingy and it's just.. it'd be fine if this was the sort of thing I could deflect through my usual social processes of "bug different groups of people each day", but I feel awful and I just want to hide out with set people. Except I feel awful, and that means I get weepy, and when I'm weepy, I don't want to deal with people.

I'm just. Flip-flopping on wanting to be around people or not, an dthen only wanting to be around SET PEOPLE, and whenever I have stipulations like that, it drives me batshit. Because god, do I hate clinginess. Especially in myself.


> I am, at this point, as tired of being stressed as I am tired of being in pain. And all I want to do is write fluff, but I don't have the energy to write fluff, and my canon ship for fluff is basically sunk, and uuuugh.


> I wish I could stop getting salty over that? Or over other internet stuff, because.. it's not worth it, at all, but here we are: me being a fucking salt mine of distress and woe over paltry internet games, who would've guessed. (I also wish I could stop getting salty at friends, but I think.. this is just not a good year so far for me staying impartial, because ughh.)

(no subject)

Jul. 10th, 2017 09:13 pm
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
Okay, I feel better, awful giant cat has decided the solution to me being in pain lately is just to lie down directly on top of my stomach and purr.

And it's painful in a different way! A DISTRACTING WAY. and the purring is soothing. so that's all good.

(no subject)

Jul. 10th, 2017 08:29 pm
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
Step one of being Mar:

Take a bite of your dinner, dry-heave, burst into furious tears and then discover you're running a fever.

So my complete inability to just fucking deal with anything has a slight excuse, I guess.

(no subject)

Jul. 10th, 2017 11:24 am
hera: chel holdin' apple (Default)
[personal profile] hera
Stomach trying to crawl out of my mouth, it's nbd.

I hate that I can't win by not eating, I can't win by eating, I can't win by eating only very set things. I'm at the point where, courtesy of throwing them up, I am finding it very difficult to eat fried eggs. The texture is literally just making me gag.

And grilled cheeses make me less sick than everything else, but still sick, and it's just. Ugh. I'm in less pain than I was last year. I'm at a better place than 2015, and definitely better than 2014. Each year the symptoms are getting better in some ways as I learn to accommodate them, and the food sitch is much better than it used to be, even as much as I complain...

But I wish I didn't have to deal with this at all.

[meme] de la culture

Jul. 8th, 2017 10:37 pm
malurette: (books)
[personal profile] malurette
Vu chez [personal profile] jainas ;

Qu'est-ce que tu viens de terminer ?

- Livre : Scénario catastrophe de Marie-Aude Murail ;
avant ça j'avais relu en diagoanle Eric le Magnifique mais tout ça ce sont des livres jeunesse ;
si vous voulez quelque chose de général/adulte, alors Casting pour l'enfer de Robert Crais.

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